How To Date A Poker Player
By From the April issue of Minnesota Poker Magazine
Vanessa Rousso and Chad Brown
Chad Brown and Vanessa Rousso are the exception to the rule. That is to say, it’s difficult to find a relationship where each member of the union is a poker player. More often than not, one participant is the gambler, and the other varies in attitude from quiet tolerance to outright animosity. My better half lies somewhere between the two extremes, and our innocuous quarrels are certainly not unique to our poker player/non-poker player relationship. But I’m here to suggest that it’s all right! There are a few cordial principles each party can abide by to help make this awkward discrepancy endurable.
Serving as both an educational case study and as mild entertainment, I’d like to begin with an ever-lingering debate from personal experience:
Me: Enjoying that smoke?
Her: Yeah, yeah. Leave me alone. We all have our vices, Mr. Gambler!
Me: Vice, hmm?
Her: Yep.
Me: Well, fair enough. Let’s investigate this, shall we? My “vice” is not only fun, but keeps my mind sharp, always earns me money in the long run, and has allowed me to write leisurely for a magazine. Your vice, on the other hand, affords you the opportunity to stand outside in a four-degree blizzard, makes you smell like an ashtray, and you get to pay to do it. Oh yeah, and your bonus prize is emphysema.
I know, I’m a jerk, right? The point is this: The vast majority of relationship discomfort seems to arise due to simple misperception. [Please note: this entire discussion assumes that the poker player in question is good at poker. Losing players, please disregard. Your girlfriend is probably right]. The uninformed consensus image of poker players is that they’re compulsive and addicted, and the fear is that they may lose the deed to the house in some fabricated back-alley gunpoint card game.
Of course, the reality of the situation is that a good rounder knows when to quit, attends a safe and legal environment, and plays not only for the thrill of the game, but also money. This explanation, I’ll admit, doesn’t necessarily go over too well with our skeptical significant others. But even a vaguely accurate illustration of our day-to-day grinding may help advance their image from dangerously intolerant to begrudgingly acceptant.
So, while environment and money are certainly at the forefront of the conflict, the long, odd hours can be equally straining on a relationship. It’s 10:00 PM, and she’s getting ready for bed, it’s been a long stressful Tuesday. You help get her settled in, kiss her on the forehead, and rather than crawl into bed with her, you say, “Okay, honey, so long!” as you jump in your car, and head for the casino.
This emotionally rooted objection is difficult to completely overcome, I’m afraid. Again, a little education on the subject can aid wonderfully. The poker room has certain “primetimes” you might say, and if a player can feel sharp in the evening, this is his best chance at victory. The room is oftentimes more populated at night, though this isn’t necessarily the reason it’s juicy. More important than sheer numbers is the quality of these opponents. Who would you rather sit down against: the polished fifty-something businessman who has too much free time and plays only occasionally for fun, or the worn-down baggy-eyed gambler who has been at the same table for seven hours, dumped eight racks and is ineffectively attempting to win it all back? [Again, please note: the latter character, I’m well aware, is who our partners fear we may become. The faint irony is that these are the poor saps we feed on]. Ultimately, as far as our inconvenient schedules are concerned, we must simply ask for forgiveness, and inform you that there is indeed a method to our madness.
Lastly, I have one piece of specific advice for the poker player in the relationship: Do not discuss specific dollar amounts. This includes both wins and losses. We have to recognize, as players, that our comprehension of money is perfectly out of whack with the rest of the world. In this arena, we are absolutely the unconventional minority. I sympathize with the “normal” person in this regard. Envision the scenario from their perspective for just a moment. He or she has just gotten off work, oftentimes from a low-paying job they abhor, and they slouch down stressed and worn on the sofa, only to attempt to regain the physical and mental strength to do the whole thing again the next day. And here you come! “Hey honey, I made $800 today in 45 minutes, and then I took the rest of the day to go see a movie!” Stupid, stupid, stupid. Have some respect for reality! And this is to say nothing of the lost-money conversation, which, as we know, is always vastly worse. Even though you may understand that losing $400 in a day is going to happen from time to time, they may not, and that amount of money sounds like a dangerous figure to a youthful lower-middle class couple. Ultimately, a little education and a lot of silence can go a long way toward making this asymmetrical union successful!
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