I realize that perhaps 87% of the blogs I write have something to do, either directly or indirectly, with the sociopathic narcissism of poker players. Today will be no different. Sorry.
I witnessed an exchange this week that I believe serves as a perfect microcosm of this phenomenon.
During a limit hold’em game, the following hand occurred in which I was not involved. It was a three-handed pot, two of the participants were sitting right next to me; I was in the seven-seat, and these two gentlemen were in the eight- and nine-seats. The third opponent was on the other side of the table in the two-seat. I was on the button. For purposes of clarity, I will tell you now what each player held:
Seat-eight: 8-9 offsuit
Seat-nine: A-4 of spades
Seat-two: 7-7
The flop was 6s-7s-10h. Seat-eight, of course, flopped the nuts. Seat-nine flopped the nut-flush draw, and seat-two flopped middle-set. There were predictable fireworks on the flop.
The turn was the 2-of-spades, giving seat-nine the nuts. Once again, there were multiple bets wagered.
The river was the 6-of-clubs, giving seat-two the winning full-boat. Two large bets from each participant entered the pot on the river, and seat-eight and seat-nine angrily mucked after flashing their cards to everybody at the table.
As seat-two scooped his pot, a conversation sparked up between seat-eight and seat-nine. This conversation was really a remarkable thing to watch, and could not be more perfectly suited for an example of poker-player narcissism. The two gentlemen managed to somehow hold a conversation where neither one of them acknowledged the words of the other. In other words, each man was simply using the other as a vessel to receive the vitriolic passionate victimization each one felt at the completion of the hand. In fact, it wasn’t a conversation at all. It was, rather, two intertwined loosely-connected monologues.
Seat-eight: ”Shit, I flopped the nuts!”
Seat-nine: ”Yeah I can’t believe my hand lost!”
Seat-eight: ”What a lucky river that guy got on me!”
Seat-nine: ”I had the nut flush!”
Seat-eight: ”That guy was so lucky to beat me!”
Seat-nine” ”That guy was so lucky to beat me!”
Being the victim in a particular poker hand, and how this “victim” revels in pointing out how screwed he got, is a fascinating phenomenon to me. I almost feel as if some players enjoy losing, simply in the sense that they can attempt to receive pity from the rest of us. But it is exceedingly rare that one hand of poker leaves two players feeling as if they are the victim. It is during this rare event that the true narcissism of the gambler is revealed. Both men want to complain, and both men lost this pot. It is only natural that they would speak to one another. But there is no empathy. There isn’t even any listening. It’s simply a complaint-fest, where one man waits for the other one to stop talking so he can begin complaining about his own problems.
(Quick disclaimer: I, too, couldn’t care less about other player’s hands. But, as such, I do not complain about my own hand. I am certain nobody cares about how unlucky I got, so I keep it to myself.)
I will say, I love players like this. Honestly, players like this, and they exist by the millions, cannot ever be good poker players. Just as they refuse to consider another player’s situation, they equally refuse to consider another player’s cards. Their narcissism manifests itself even as they’re in the middle of a hand. They look at their cards and that’s it. These are the players who have two black aces but refuse to fold on the 5h-6h-7h-8h-10c board. Hey man, they’ve got pocket aces! How could they fold? Even if they know their hand is no good, they’ll call down to the river so they have a chance to show you their cards and receive the pity they so feel they are due.
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Jacob "Jaymind" Westlin is a semi-professional limit hold'em player with a strong, sarcastic wit. Jaymind also frequently contributes to Minnesota Poker Magazine's monthly publication. Email Jaymind at jayjay083@hotmail.com